As a friend told me, "it's not really the millennium until 2001, so if the world doesn't end tomorrow, don't be surprised."

And if it doesn't end next year, well, that's because Dionysius Exiguus got his history mixed up in assigning the date of Jesus's birth, since all the born again Christians I have consulted agree that the world is going to end on the two thousandth anniversary of the Christian covenant. After all, the pre-covenant era (from the creation of the world until Abraham) lasted 2000 years, and the old Hebrew covenant lasted 2000 years, and so the Christian era has to last the same amount of time.

As we all know, the Bible is infallible and an accurate guide to history. And it says that Jesus was born during the reign of Herod, who died in 4 BC. It also says that Jesus was born during a poll tax that happened in the reign of Augustus while Cyrenius was governor of Syria, and that had to have happened (in Judea, at least) in 6 AD.

So you see, since it took Jesus 9 years to be born (there's no AD 0, remember), the world started to end in 1997, and it will finish ending in 2006. Just goes to show that those born again Christians aren't as observant as they think they are.

Although of course, if Mohammed actually got it right, then the world isn't going to end for another seven hundred years, at least, since it will be that long before it becomes the year 2000 in places like Saudi Arabia.

Or, from another point of view, since it is currently the year five thousand seven hundred and something in Jerusalem, the world actually ended over three thousand years ago... which might explain a few things.

Me, I've still got my money pinned on the world ending in 2036 or thereabouts, since (as any Christian scholar will tell you) the second Covenant did not actually begin until Jesus died. My geek programmer friends tell me there is actually good reason to think this, since in 32 bit C, the time_t structure cannot handle dates after January 19, 2038. After that date, all 32 bit computer programs written in C will no longer have room in their data structures to advance the clock. In other words, as far as the computers are concerned, time will stop. And as anyone who has interacted with a Microsoft product knows, if computers think it is so, then it is so, and your opinion to the contrary simply shows that you are obsolete and ought to be replaced by a machine. Sounds like an excellent portent for the Second Coming, don't you think?

Whenever it happens, when we actually get to the Millennial End of the World, all the born again Christians are going to be raptured up into the air and float around obstructing air traffic until their God finishes processing their admission forms. Then they'll all go directly to heaven or hell, and the rest of us can go on with our lives without being bothered by them anymore.

I'm really looking forward to that.